Knots: How we try to untangle the issues in our lives.

Have you ever stopped and watched a small child trying to do something he can’t do yet? Work a zipper. The lid on the jar. The bike without training wheels. Shoe laces in a tangled mess that would be better to replace than try to untangle a knot that was only made worse by their efforts. Pulling the wrong strings.

You’re standing right there. He pulls away: “I got it.” Frustration turns to tears.

No matter your capabilities, knowledge, or experience. Your child still insists on doing it on their own.

As an adult, we’re the kid with his shoelaces in a knot. In the same way, He is the parent. Watching as our lives get tied into knots which we only seem to make worse.

God isn’t far off, waiting to be summoned. He’s standing right there.

And we pull away. We can do it on our own.

We, like the child, would rather do it ourselves.

This “I can do it on my own” life is never what God intended. Being grown up doesn’t mean we’re grown-out of needing God. In fact, it means surrender of our control and giving the reins over to Him.

But we like ruling our own lives. You hear it constantly in how we speak. Almost everything we say starts with one of three phrases:

I think — this is how it ought to go

I want — this is what needs to happen

I feel — disrespected, ignored, done

All three start with I. That’s the throne problem. Idolatry isn’t bowing to a statue — it’s me sitting in the Director’s Chair that belongs to God.

Why the grip is so tight

Somewhere back there, somebody didn’t show up when you needed them. So you learned the lesson: don’t need anybody. Do it yourself. Never get caught depending.

Here’s the hard part — it worked. It kept you standing. It made you competent. It’s probably why you’re good at your job.

And it’s the exact thing holding God at arm’s length.

You can be born again and still run your life like an orphan.

Where the yelling actually comes from

You don’t yell because your kid is bad. You yell because you’ve lost control of something and volume is the last lever you’ve got left.

The gap between the trigger and your response is about three seconds. That’s the whole battleground. Not your marriage, not your temper in general — three seconds.

The pause — flip the three questions from I think / I want / I feel to:

What does God think about this?

What does God want here?

What does God feel about this?

Then wait for an answer. Prayer is a conversation, not a report you file.

Your brain can change

God built your brain to change. Whatever you practice becomes automatic. The ability to change the way your brain responds and regain control over your thoughts and actions is called neuroplasticity.

As Paul described in Romans 12:2, we are changing the way we think, or renewing our mind. And this brings transformation. As we practice pausing and putting God at the center rather than ourselves, we create new neural pathways that become the norm over time.

You’ve practiced I think / I want / I feel for forty years. That’s why it’s fast. Practice the pause and it will become the norm.

In the garden of Gethsemane, He didn’t want the cross. He said so out loud. He asked three times for another way. He wasn’t calm. He was in agony — and He still said, “not my will, but yours (Matthew 26:39).

That’s not a man who didn’t care what He wanted or what was best for Himself. That’s a man who could have gotten Himself out of the tangled knot humanity was bound up in, but instead chose surrender and sacrifice. In an act of complete humility, obedience, and love, Jesus lays down control. He commended Himself to His Father on the cross (Luke 23:46). That model of dying to our wants and will and choosing God's way leads to our own resurrection and new life, abundant life.

Abundant Life

John 10:10. Jesus said He came to bring abundant life.

What’s an abundant life to you? Money? Health? Kids that turn out great? No problems?

Then: what if it’s simpler than that — what if it’s that you don’t have to run your life anymore on your own?

Exercise: Ask yourself, what is one thing I’m carrying right now?

I think:

I want:

I feel:

Now pause and ask in prayer, what does God think about it? This will require you to pause and ask Him to impress upon you His thoughts or communicate His will through His Word.

What does God want?

What does God feel about it?

This week: Try to pause for three seconds before you answer your wife or child or co-worker. Those three seconds are enough time to stop and give God control. It may also be just enough time to save a relationship.

Now back to that knot. Oh, wait, I don't have to untangle this mess. God has given me new shoes.